Father's Day Jokes for Your Dads

Q: Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar?

A: Because he heard the drinks were on the house!

Q: What do you call a dad who tells great jokes?

A: A stand-up father!

Q: What do you call a dad who's a magician?

A: A grand-pa!

Q: Why was the dad tomato always blushing?

A: Because he saw the salad dressing!

Q: What's a dad's favorite kind of music?

A: Rock and ROLL models!

Q: Why did the dad bring string to the baseball game?

A: In case they needed a tie-breaker!

Q: Why don't dad jokes ever get old?

A: Because they're always a-parent!

Q: What's a dad's favorite fish?

A: The starfish - because it's always a star dad!

Q: Why did the dad sit on the clock?

A: He wanted to be on time for once!

Q: What do you call a dad who won the lottery?

A: A lucky papa-razzi!

Q: What's a Dad's favorite place in the house?

A: The Dadabase!

Q: Why are dads good fisherman?

A: Because they know how to reel you in!

Q: What's Dad's favorite type of music?

A: Pop!

Q: What do you call a Dad who falls in a pile of leaves?

A: Autumn-bile!

Q: Why are Dads good at making pancakes?

A: Because they're flippin' awesome!

Q: What's a dad's favorite place to shop?

A: Home Depot.

Q: What do you call a dad who can sing?

A: A pop star!

Q: What's a dad's favorite seasoning?

A: Pa-prika!

Q: What's a dad's favorite car?

A: A minivan!

Q: Why did Dad high-five himself on Father's Day?

A: Because no one appreciates his jokes quite like he does!

Q: Why don’t dads ever need bookmarks?

A: Because they always lose interest halfway through the story.

Q: Did you hear about the dad who got a universal remote for Father’s Day?

A: Now he feels like he has control over everything… including your life.

Q: Why can’t you trust a dad with a grill?

A: Because he’s always cooking up a rare steak and a well-done pun.

Q: What did the baby corn say to the daddy corn?

A: "Where’s popcorn?"

Q: Why did the dad bring a pencil to the party?

A: To draw attention.

Q: What did the dad say when his kids asked for a pet?

A: "We already have a vacuum cleaner."

Q: What did the puppies make their dad for Father’s Day breakfast?

A: Pooched eggs.

Q: What do you call a person who is not a dad but makes dad jokes?

A: A Faux Pa.

Q: Where did the cow family go on Father’s Day?

A: The moo-vies.

My dad told me he's thinking of going to the gym. Good for him, I thought. He needs the exercise. Then he said, "Yeah, I'm going to be a gym teacher."

Son: "Dad, I'm hungry."
Father: "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"

I asked my dad what it's like living in poverty.
He said, "I don't know; I've never lived there."

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You’re the father of twins."
"That’s odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!"
A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!"
"That’s weird," answers the second man. "I work for the 3M company!"
A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!"
"That’s strange," he answers. "I work for the Four Seasons hotel!"
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. "What’s wrong?" the others ask.
"I work for 7 Up!"

I asked my dad what it's like living in poverty.
He said, "I don't know; I've never lived there."

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
"Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…"
"Yes, son?" the father asked, ready to console him.
" …Which bus would I take home?"

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. "I'm lost"
9. "Take my car".
8. "Fine I'll take you shopping" 
7. "That credit card is yours to go crazy" 
6. "You might like to throw a party when we are gone". 
5. "Take the test in the next season" 
4." Never mind your negative scores on your studies as long as you are good behind the wheels" 
3."You don't have to work when you grow up" 
2. "We don't require any more discussion on this topic"
1. "Father's Day? what's that?!" 

Hair raising issue

A young lad comes home to his father after he received his driver's license to ask for the use of the family car.
His Father agrees with a few conditions, good grades in school, a cleaner room. neat yard, and a decent haircut.
After several months the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. with all that his dad had asked him to do except getting his hair cut. His father notices that and wanted to know why his son had disobeyed him,
So the son says, "hey, dad, Jesus had long hair."
and then his Father smilingly replies, "Yes, son, you're absolutely right. And he also walked everywhere he went."
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

Man: How many old is your father?
Child: as old as me.
Man: how it is possible?
Child: He became a father only when i was born.

Father: Let me see your report card.
Son: I don’t have it.
Father: Why not?
Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

"Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"
"But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
"Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

Q: What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
A: Spook when you're spooken to!

My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it's always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. 

He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. 

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. 

"Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" 

Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

Q; What could possibly be the best gift to your Dad apart from the neck tie on father's Day?
A; When you return his Car with gas tank full.